I had to go to Camidoc (the local GP out of hours service) the other night as I was having an asthma attack. An Asian doctor was on duty there who was extremely kind and saw me immediately. He could clearly see I couldn’t breathe. Anyway – he put me on a nebuliser (a machine that you breathe through that dispenses relieving drugs).

When I was recovering (I was the only patient), he sat chatting to me and I was telling him about my daughters. And he asked if I was married. No, I answered. And then he said that that life is difficult for women on their own and that children need discipline and need a father’s firm hand etc etc.

I was a bit gob-smacked. I think, being a Member of Parliament and pretty assertive as women go, I sometimes forget that out there is a world that still believes that men are the authority figure in the family and that no woman should want to be on her own. At the same time, I was wondering about the gap between Asian culture and my life – which is the totemic opposite of the traditional view of woman and family. Don’t get me wrong. This man was just being kind and thoughtful – but there was a genuine belief that women had a place and that children need a father in situ. He must have seen the look on my face, because he said – well every situation is different and perhaps he was wrong.

And of course, there are many, many non-Asian men who also believe the same thing as he did. But it did strike me as a bit of a cultural difference.

It’s like when I am out knocking on doors in elections; I am always struck by the number of Asian women who open the door and say that they will vote for whomever their husband votes for (and often that the whole extended family will vote also vote that way). I always feel like saying ‘can’t you think for yourself?’ You do sometimes get a white woman expressing similar views, but in my experience it is much, much more common amongst Asian communities.

Of course I don’t say, ‘can’t you think for yourself?’ because it would be plain rude and because different cultures are different. That is the whole point about tolerance: tolerating and being tolerated for things we do not do or believe ourselves. It has to work both ways! Yet there is always a sense of tension when the differences touch on values that are seen to be fundamental to one of the cultures.

So I often wonder – particularly now, following the bungled Forrest Gate intelligence/police operation and when the Muslim community is feeling targeted – just how much we have in common or how much we have apart.

There is a great story about trying to integrate white and Asian women in a town in the north of England. They don’t mix at first and sit on opposite sides of the community room. Some weeks later – the women are all the best of friends and having a wonderful time. And what had broken the ice? They all thought their daughters-in-law were not good enough for their sons.

Some things transcend cultural differences! At this time, we also need to work hard to focus on other values – such as decency, respect for life and opposition to indiscriminate violence – that do also transcend boundaries. We have got to find a way of joining hands across all our communities in these desperately difficult times. And you can help me – in my job as the Liberal Democrat spokesperson for policing – to get the message across to the police.

So I want people to write directly to me and tell me. Not just the leaders of communities, albeit that is welcome – but the wives, the daughters and the sons and the fathers. You can contact me via my website or write to me at House of Commons, London, SW1A 0AA.

This column originally appeared in Asian Voice.