Here are a couple of quiz questions for any would-be lobbyist:

Question A: when are Parliamentary candidates most busy and least likely to deal with something that isn’t directly about winning votes? Answer – the few weeks before polling day.

And Question B: when do lobbyists put in the most effort sending information to Parliamentary candidates?

You guessed it – not too smart in my book!

Although many of the organisations and causes that lobbied me when I was a Parliamentary candidates in the run up to May (and since) are very worthy and ones I’d be willing to support, my heart frequently sinks at the quality of the lobbying done to me.

Becoming an MP was a bit of poacher turned gamekeeper for me. As part of my campaign to get elected, I lobbied all sorts of people to tackle issues in my constituency. Now I’m an MP of course I’m still nagging away day after day – but now many more organisations nag me too. Lots of people have always been in touch asking me to do one thing or help with the other, but post-polling day it’s the number of organisations suddenly interested in me that’s really notable in my inbox and postbag.

So much of it seems to have very little understanding of what it is like to be on the receiving end of the lobbying campaigns. Even worse, large amounts of money (often charitable or taxpayers’) gets spent on producing and posting glossy colour brochures which do very little other than let someone tick the job done box on a list somewhere.

What’s wrong with all this lobbying then?

First – bad timing. Candidates are at their busiest just before an election. New MPs struggle the most just after an election (it takes Parliament an age to allocate offices, new staff to be appointed etc.). These then are the two worst times to be approaching people – but perversely there are the very two times when the most effort seems to be put in!

Second – what’s the point of most of the mailings? They are mainly glossy colour brochures, chock full of information. Well, there’s no shortage of colour brochures in my life – what is needed to stop them being just a waste of time and money is for them to give me a compelling reason to read them. Being stuffed full of information the organisation thinks is interesting isn’t quite the same thing, alas. To me, a good mailing would be well thought out – how does it have a chance to survive in the deluge of mail and to get attention of the would-be reader?

Of course, for some organisations lobbying involves getting members of the public to get in touch with their MP or candidate. Sounds good so far – having your potential voters get in touch is always a good way of getting our attention! But again so many organisations blow it.

What not to do when lobbying an MP

So here’s my four-step guide to wrecking such a campaign:

1. Get your supporters to email candidates three days before polling day demanding that candidates reply within 24 hours. (That’s right – pick one of the busiest days for most candidates in the 4 or 5 year Parliamentary cycle for no good reason but demand immediate attention).

2. Get your supporters to contact Lib Dem MPs on an issue both the Lib Dems and Labour are publicly committed to – but only mention in the message Labour’s commitment. (Nice way of getting in my good books, hey?)

3. Get your supporters to email in on an issue on which many people have very eloquent and forceful views- but have all their messages word-for-word identical, yet also long. (How many times do you need to read the same long message?).

4. Realise that it’s a good idea to make the lobbying emails more effective by letting people personalise them – but stick the personalisation at the bottom of a long standard message where it is very easy to miss.

I regret to report – all these steps are based on real experiences in the last 12 months. Oh dear!

And what would really impress me? What would make lobbying an MP really effective? Here’s one thought: quoting my own words back at me. With my website, blog and thousands of leaflets, there are plenty of public words of mine to pick up on. And if you don’t have any leaflets, there are several libraries that keep good leaflet collections…

(c) Lynne Featherstone, 2006. This article first appeared in Public Affairs News.